You know, because everyone takes public transport to work as much as they can in Singapore, it’s really a real skill to maneuver your way from the time you step out of your house to the point where you reach work.
It doesn’t take a real scientist to figure out that with all the traffic on the roads, its really faster to take trains.
The only problem with that is that in order to take the train, you have to actually be at the train station first. So here is where the bus comes in. Here’s the second problem, HOW DO YOU ACTUALLY GET ON THE BUS.
Trick #1: Download IRIS.
Yeah yeah, IRIS doesn’t work every single time but at least you won’t be waiting like some ant on the bloody fire AND you can check for the bus timings at the closest bus stop so that you can take another bus.
Trick #2: Walk to the damn MRT station
I have to admit, I use to walk to the MRT station daily because I am so sick of taking buses to the MRT station. It takes me 25min to go to the MRT station (because I have a red light every 100m. I’m not exaggerating) which is totally ridiculous when I take the same amount of time to walk there. The catch, however, is that you cannot stay in an area like mine. I stay in an area so populated with cyclists who thinks that the pedestrian roads are there PURELY for their own pleasure and entertainment I’ve been knocked down by cyclists and have argued with them countless times. I even fell down a month back and couldn’t walk for 2 days literally and took one week for the wound to even heal. YEAH it’s more dangerous than climbing Mount Everest.
Which is why, right now, I alternate between two buses depending on the timings, which I think everyone should because it is an absolute CATASTROPHE when I take the bus daily. Why in the world would it take 5 freaking minutes for people to just get on the already jam packed bus?? Why in the world would people want to run and squeeze into the already jam-packed bus WHEN YOUR STOP HAS MULTIPLE BUSES TO THE INTERCHANGE AND YOU STAY EVEN CLOSER THAN I AM TO THE INTERCHANGE? Any my last question could be a potential million dollar question. WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD PEOPLE BUS WHEN YOU STAY ONE FUCKING STOP FROM THE INTERCHANGE? I mean really? I’m not judging you because you’re rich enough to bus for one stop; I’m judging you because with all the jams going into the interchange, you’ll be 10 times better off walking for 3 minutes.
But, let’s not digress. The trick to survive on a bus is really important if you want to see your train come by.
Trick #3: Find a seat close to the door.
When people start jamming up the remaining space left on the bus, your 2 trains would have left and you would have been late even before you alight the bus.
Trick #4: Climb up the tree if there’s a fire
We all know there’s only like 5 critical seats that ensure your smooth departure from the bus. So if you’re on a double deck, you’re in luck. Go up. The higher you go the better. There’s like 10 critical seats on top, so you have 300% chance of finding your preferred seat.
Trick #5: If all else fails, find one corner and stick yourself there and PRAY.
Now, after you alight from the bus you gotta know that you got to walk. Actually, scratch that. Before you alight from the bus, chant to yourself “ I’m a ninja and I will conquer all of you.”
And once you alight, you zjiu! Zjiu! Zjiu! And zip yourself amongst everyone until you reach your destination!
Now you got to get on the train! So here comes
Trick #6: Get into the cabin with the door closest to the escalator/stairs
Actually, the trick on the train is to stand. JUST STAND AND DON’T EXPECT TO GET A SEAT. I mean if you stand, the most you get is probably somebody who hasn’t showered plastering themselves to you, it isn’t half as bad because you’re the victim. BUT, when you’re sitting down, especially if you’re a guy and you do one of the following:
· Pretend you’re sleeping
· Pretend you’re reading
· Pretend (ok maybe not) that the newspapers that you’re inconsiderately reading wide open is blocking your view
· Pretend your eyes are there for show when you only use your ears to listen to music
· Oh this is good. Stare back at all the woman and the old.
Why don’t you kiss my ass. You’re are able-bodied men so if you can’t give your seat up ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU’RE SITTING AT THE RESERVED SEAT, you should be kissing your dick goodbye. I’ve seen and done it many times. The man pretending to not see anything but the woman gives up the seat when they aren’t at the reserved seat and when the person in need is standing far away. Oh god this topic is so infuriating I could write an entire post on it. So what I really mean is that you should just not sit because you would either be stomped or be scolded by a lady.
Don’t give up now, you’re almost there. CAMP at the door where you exit ONLY WHEN YOU’RE ALIGHTING. Seriously, one more time someone blocks the pathway I will scream and embarrass the shit out of him/her. The moment the door opens, MAKE A RUN FOR IT. I actually don’t mean it literally I meant to walk really quickly but I’ve seen it more than once people actually really run so…. It’s really your own choice.
Once you exit your gantry, CONGRATULATIONS!! You have completed your morning task of the day and your ACTUAL WORK HAS YET TO EVEN START!